Tuesday, August 24, 2010

In the Cable News War It's Best If No One Wins

In the battle of cable news outlets there are no winners, only losers. Unfortunately those losers are you, me and everyone who watches FOX and MSNBC. Oh and CNN. However, much like how when a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it we don’t know if it makes a sound, since no one watches CNN it’s kind of hard to gauge their impact on the American populace. Like American Dad and the Nielsen ratings.

Since most of cable news is dominated by its commentators, let’s take a deeper look at some of the cable news personalities who help make us more misinformed.

Chris Matthews
Chris Matthews is one of the main reasons people don’t like liberals. As a member of the media he was supposed to stay neutral while covering the presidential campaign of 2008. By now we all know he was about as neutral in that race as Tim Donaghy was refereeing NBA games. Matthews is (in)famous for saying he felt a tingle run down his leg after hearing a speech by Obama. It’s not that often when an inspirational speaker comes along, and while I don’t condone what Matthews said, maybe he was caught in an honest moment. On second thought, nah he liked Obama more than Joni loved Chachi. To prove that point, after Obama was elected Matthews went on air and said it was his duty as a journalist to help Obama succeed. This coming after spending years absolutely crushing George W Bush on everything the man did. At least wait a week before you change your mind, man. That's what John Kerry and Mitt Romney do.

FOX and Friends
How anyone can watch these three ignoramuses is beyond me. My apologies, I’ve used a word outside of their lexicon as they don’t even know what ignoramus means. Just about every day one of the three makes a comment that causes the viewer want to beat their head against the wall to make the pain from listening to them stop. I’ve already covered Barbie, I mean Gretchen Carlson’s ineptitude. Let’s move on to Ken’s. I’m sorry, I mean Steve Doocy. I think Doocy would believe anything someone told him. Gullible isn’t in the dictionary…You don’t say? The Earth is only 5,000 years old…Really? I have foreign affairs experience because I can see Russia from my house…You should be Vice President. Brian Kilmeade rounds out this triumvirate of idiocy. In the 21st century you’d think it would be hard to find someone who’d say on air that Americans aren’t “pure” because we have inter-ethnic marriage. Well it’s not as hard as you think if you watch FOX and Friends.

Keith Olbermann
Keith Olbermann is a hero of the left, mostly because of his Special Comments during the Bush Administration. Many people forget he was a SportsCenter anchor, perhaps one of the best they’ve ever had. Then he burned that bridge and after several years of bouncing around from job to job found his voice as a progressive. To examine Keith’s career through a sports analogy, let’s say he was a top prospect rookie who broke into the bigs and succeeded (cushy job at ESPN). Eventually the team got tired of his prolonged slumps and prima donna attitude and released him (leaving ESPN). After bouncing around from team to team, without ever putting up the same stats as before (time at FOX Sports, MSNBC pre-Countdown, etc), Keith found a magic substance (liberalism) that helped the older veteran put up the big numbers with a new club. I’m not saying that Barry Bonds ever took steroids to rejuvenate his career. I’m also not saying Keith Olbermann isn’t really a Democrat or doesn’t believe most of what he says. But let’s be honest, most sportscasters don’t suddenly give up their passion for sports television to pursue a career in politics without a catch. Like becoming governor of Alaska.

Glenn Beck
Where to start with this guy? Is it calling Obama a racist? Or developing a hit list of sorts for Administration officials he thinks doesn’t pass his McCarthy-style smell test? Or his crying on air because he fears for his country that he loves so much? Or his connection to the people who sell gold to paranoid citizens and advertise on his program? Or the time he said he went into a movie theater in New York carrying his gun? Or the fact he started an online university to further spread his beliefs? Or the fact he looks like he could be Biff Tannen’s father?

Ted Turner thought he was onto something when he launched CNN and its 24 hour news coverage. It sounded good in theory, but as Homer Simpson said, so does communism. Communism faltered when, after years of success, the people realized the information they were being fed was nothing but lies and smear tactics aimed at suppressing the truth and promoting a political agenda which they simply stopped listening to.

We can only hope something similar happens to cable news.

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