Thursday, August 19, 2010

Ronnie & Sammi: If Ross Took Steroids and Rachel Had No Personality

Everyone has a show that is their guilty pleasure. Even Jerry Seinfeld had one in Melrose Place. Mine is Jersey Shore, which is documented here and here. Maybe it’s my Italian heritage. Maybe it’s my familiarity with the Jersey shore. Or maybe I’m just an immature 33 year old who watches bad television. Anyway you shake it, I knew the second season of Jersey Shore wouldn’t be as good as the first, especially with Angelina back in the fold. However, I didn’t expect it to fall off this fast. Caddyshack 2 was less of a disappointment.

There are two reasons Jersey Shore isn’t as good this time around. Their names are Ronnie and Sammi. Together they are killing Jersey Shore. Angelina, while a bigger pain in the ass than a trip to Fletch's doctor, at least provides some excitement to the mix with her drunken antics.

Ronnie and Sammi need to understand that people watch reality TV for fights, hook ups and drama. While these two have all three, unfortunately it is always with each other. Even if Ronnie does go out, he ends up back with Sammi regardless of how many girls he meets at the clubs. Sammi doesn’t do anything close to that. All she does is talk to the camera and cry. At least Ronnie has the villain angle going for him. They get a pass for season one because they didn’t know the show would take off like it has. For season two every cast mate knew there was about eight minutes left on their clock before time ran out.

On TV as soon as someone finds a significant other they instantly become less interesting. Jim and Pam from The Office are a great example. They were always destined to be together and it was obvious from the start, but their being apart was interesting and helped drive the show. Getting a shotgun seat to the chase helped build anticipation and interest in the show. Once they got together, began dating and eventually got married, they've become almost as irrelevant to The Office as Steve Carell is to good movies.

This isn't a new phenomenon either. Friends was entertaining for the first few years it was on. This could be because I was in high school, hadn't yet discovered alcohol, and girls only spoke to me if they needed someone to cheat off. Everyone says they hated Friends, and towards the end of the series – rightfully so. But those people are full of shit when they say they never watched it in the first place. When I went to college my whole floor would get together and watch it, and we were mostly guys. Anyway, the show got worse over the years, mostly because Ross was the biggest vagina not attached to Roseanne Barr to ever appear on television. But once Monica and Chandler got together, combined with the on-again off-again nature of Rachel and Ross, Friends was on its way to becoming Couples. And no one wants to watch couples.

This is even true in real life. My friends and I used to hang out, drink, play sports, gamble, and so on. Then, one by one, we slowly started meeting the future wives of our lives and went from wild and crazy to mild and lazy. For example, I now go to bed at 11:00 - on the weekends. I still enjoy a nice tall glass of Iced Tea, but now it's not from Long Island and has a Turkey Hill Lemonade Tea sticker on it. I'm not complaining. I'm very happy with my life. To be honest, I have no desire to go to a bar and wait in line for a drink when I can sit on my couch and watch TV with a fridge full of whatever I want mere paces away. Not to mention I don't have to compete for a female's attention anymore with douche bags who wear wrist bands on their arms and pop their collars unless my wife puts a golf shirt on our dog.

The lesson is this for Ronnie and Sammi. Most of their fellow cast mates all have a gimmick they are getting paid and notoriety from. The Situation is selling work-out videos. Pauly D spins the ones and twos. JWoww is selling clothes and defying gravity. Snooki is charging thousands of dollars to appear at a bar - and getting it. All of them are taking advantage of their time in South Beach to live it up and further try to establish whatever brand they may have.

However, Ronnie and Sammi stay in, fight, then make-up. When they actually go out all they do is talk to each other and fight. They should have just stayed home and saved the cover charge. Occasionally Ronnie will knock someone out for telling him to go back to New Jersey (even though they were actually in New Jersey at the time) and spend the night in jail. Sure they break up, but it’s never for good. Just like Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston.

Come to think of it, Ronnie has a lot of similarities to Levi. Both are about twenty years old. Both date brunettes. Both will only see a college diploma when they are in their lawyer’s office.

The best thing about Levi Johnston is he will soon be forgotten and off the national landscape. Unless they change their ways, Ronnie and Sammi will be too.

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