Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Go 'Cuff Yourself: Cutthroat Episode Six

Last week’s Cutthroat episode ended with MTV being very cryptic about Chet’s condition. He took a nasty spill in the previous challenge, turned paler than Bib Fortuna, and ended up in the hospital. The show ended with Chet’s heart monitor beeping and an IV drip flowing. We were left wondering if Chet would be ok. Well those of us who saw the cast’s get well message for TJ knows Chet made it out of Prague in one piece, which is more than we can say for its country’s old name. On to Episode Six

Like the rest of us, the Red Team wondered if Chet was going to return. Wouldn’t you know it, here comes Chet. He told some stories about Czech medical care and by his tone I’m guessing he’s not in favor of how the healthcare vote went down a few months ago.

Johnny and Derrick talked about how they’re concerned they’re going to have to go into a Gulag since they are the only two guys remaining.

Brandon said to Luke he’s fairly certain he won’t go into another Gulag. This prediction came from a guy who already went into three of the elimination challenges. That’s like Nancy Pelosi saying the Republicans won’t use her as a political lightning rod in 2012 since they already did that this year. Who says the Democrats didn’t learn anything from last week’s results?

TJ showed up and needed to talk to Chet. I’m guessing it isn’t to talk about where he got his glasses. I was right. TJ told Chet since he had a concussion he wasn’t allowed to continue in the competition. Chet then said he’d rather be circumcised with a rusty spoon than be forced to go home. Call me crazy but I’d vote for going home. It’s not like he was making it until the end anyway. Better to go home healthy than with a tetanus-filled rusty trombone.

The Challenge clue came in and told the cast to wear their bathing suits. This season’s challenge spends more time in the water than a lifeguard working right after lunch.

The challenge was called Sky Hook and was a form of basketball. There were several rings suspended over the water. The players were assigned to the rings. They passed a ball down the line until the last player shot the ball at a big hoop. If the player fell out they’d be penalized one ball. Each team had ten balls to try to make in the net.

The Red Team went first. They moved with the speed and dexterity of the Washington Generals. They got no balls in the net.  

The Blue Team was next. Derrick said if they lost he would volunteer himself for The Gulag, which is good because there’s no way Johnny would sacrifice himself like that so he might as well not prolong the inevitable. The Blue Team ended up with four blue balls in the net, also known as a sexually frustrating weekend.

The Gray Team rounded out the event. If the Red Team was the Washington Generals the Gray Team was The Globetrotters. They nailed five shots with room to spare.

Derrick stayed true to his word and told Johnny he’d go in The Gulag. Johnny said “Way to step up.” He also could have said “I’m glad you’re not a pussy like I am.”

The votes were cast for The Gulag. The Blue Team nominated Derrick and Emily. The Red Team chose Melinda and Brandon. TJ basically called the Red Team cowards for continuing to throw Brandon in. Once you’re on TJ’s bad side you might as well just accept he doesn’t like you. It’s easier to win back Elin Woods’s approval than TJ’s.

Paula said she’s shocked someone said Brad’s name in the voting. Really? The guy who skates through competitions without ever having to prove himself gets a vote and she’s shocked? Tune in next week when Paula finds out gum doesn’t take seven years to digest, masturbating too much doesn’t give you hairy palms, and dinosaurs and man never cohabitated. 

The gang headed out to a bar to blow of some steam. Tori defended her husband by threatening Camilla she’d go into The Gulag every time for voting for Brad. Looks like we know who wears the pants in that relationship. I wonder if this is how Brad feels in the morning.

Paula said Camilla’s vote for Brad messed with people who have been playing this game for years. I’m not sure if that comment is a compliment or sadly pathetic.

The Gulag is a repeat challenge called Handcuffs where the opponents need to pull rings away from each other. The first to five rings wins.

Despite a solid effort from the former Mrs. Danny, Emily made short work of Melinda, which isn’t a surprise as this wasn’t the type of Gulag for pretty sorority girls.

Brandon’s run of Gulag excellence ended at the hands of Derrick. The Red Team lost two players this week, one of which who was their best player. Paula said Brandon would have gone in every time because she would never say Tyler, Dunbar or Brad’s names before Brandon in a vote. This policy of voting for friends over capabilities could explain why this team isn’t very good. It also explains why the Republicans didn’t win the Senate in 2010.

After The Gulag Jenn and Paula got into a catfight about who is the worse competitor. Jenn told Paula this is her 7th challenge it’s time she won one. Paula rebutted that Jenn do the same, to which Jenn answered this is only her 5th challenge.

There’s really no joke to be made there, as sometimes you have to let the comment speak for itself.

1 comment:

  1. The red team sickens me with their voting style. I can't believe they said Brandon shouldn't have taken the leadership role on the rings. Are they dumb? He was forced into that position by the "veterans." I can't wait to see Brad in the Gulag this season.


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