Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Yippee Ki Yay Music Television: Cutthroat Episode 7

Last week’s Cutthroat saw the elimination of the Red Team’s best player, Brandon. Along with being their best player, he was also the go-to vote when deciding to put someone into The Gulag. With Brandon gone the Red Team will now have to wrestle from within on which guy to throw in to the wolves. They better figure it out soon too because there’s no way they are winning immunity to avoid The Gulag. Very few things in life are guaranteed. Death. Taxes. NBC's Outsourced getting canceled. And the Red Team failing miserably at whatever challenge is put before them.

In other Challenge news, host TJ Lavin was released from the hospital this week, about a month after a horrific biking accident. Reports say that TJ plans on continuing as host of the show. This is great news. Family Feud tried to replace Richard Dawson with a bevy of failures (Ray Combs, Louie Anderson, Al from Home Improvement, J Peterman). MTV would meet the same fate if they tried to substitute someone else to control the melting pot that is fame-whores, douchebags, and wannabe wannabes. It would be like mixing a Republican Congress with a Democratic administration and telling them to work things out for the good of everyone else. 
On to the show...

The gang planned Dunbar’s surprise birthday party. He said he turned 26. When I turned 26 I was waiting tables trying to find any kind of steady job with health benefits. Dunbar gets to hang out in Europe in a hot tub while hot chicks wrestle naked in front of him. I’ve never had ill will towards Dunbar before. I do now.

Paula and Laurel got into said topless wrestling match. Well it was Laurel topless until she decided her chest was lonely and tore Paula’s top off Hulk Hogan-style. Which is fitting since Laurel is 6’6” and can probably body slam Andre the Giant. 

The clue came in on the T-Mobile from TJ. It said there is a fine line between success and failure. Yeah it’s called being cast on a Real World season or having to return for your 6th year of college.

The challenge this week was called “Gimmie a Hand”. Each player had a partner attached at the hip and ankles. Harnessed in, they had to walk a tightrope between buildings while suspended many stories above the ground. The team with the best total time wins and avoids The Gulag.

I give the cast a lot of shit in this space, but I have to give them credit for blindly doing every single hair-brained challenge they are told to, consequences be damned. It’s like watching union members vote, except on steroids and with implants.

The Blue Team went first and got all team members across without falling. If I was participating in this challenge, anyone standing below me would say to themselves, “I didn’t know it was supposed to rain today.”

During a commercial break there was an ad against texting while driving featuring Johnny and Theresa. Preventing texting while driving is a great cause, and one that hopefully will make it universally illegal one day. However, using Johnny and Theresa to send the message is a little odd. They are part of a show where the cats regularly makes complete asses of themselves on national TV which could result in preventing most of them from ever earning a “real job”. Not the best role models for impressionable teens. This is like MC Hammer giving financial advice or Larry King lecturing on how to make a marriage work. In the commercial’s defense, at least it’s better than this. I’d rather watch REM open for The Eagles than see that again.

The Red Team was next. Dunbar and Paula fell off the rope. Jesus Christ, the Reds don’t even make it interesting before they fail. They’re like the Pittsburgh Pirates.

The Gray Team went last. Like a virgin on prom night, they didn’t last very long as Luke and Dan fell off the rope. By default, the Blue Team won immunity making The Gulag Gray vs Red.

The Red Team deliberated over who to throw in. Camilla, while a strong competitor, made the mistake last week of voting for the veteran Brad. Even though Camilla is a stronger teammate than Paula, Tori and probably some of the guys as well, she’s got the target on her back. In her vote, Camilla voted for Brad again. I like Camilla.

The Gray Team deliberated. Dan and Luke both wanted to volunteer themselves in. Laurel didn’t understand how Abram could pick Cara Maria over her. Well when a girl lets a guy play a little game called just the tip every night, it helps sway the voting. Additionally, it takes a lot to get a guy to say “you know what, she’s really pretty but dammit she sucks”. Laurel has that quality in spades.  

The match-ups were Dunbar (Red) vs Dan (Gray) and Camilla (Red) vs Laurel (Gray).

Lots of chest-thumping happened after the vote. None of it is worth repeating. Although if I had a dollar for every time I heard “When I come back I’m going to be pissed” I’d have, well maybe $7, but the point is made.

The Gulag was called “Die Hard”. This is a repeat challenge where the participant sits on the die and has to make it match TJ’s number while getting it within a marked boundary. This is beneficial for a smaller competitor because there’s no physical confrontation. 

This challenge is so boring Ben Stein should be narrating it. Dunbar won the guys’ contest. Laurel took it home for the girls. With Camilla gone it looks like Paula or Tori will need to actually compete next week. There's a first time for everything.

Well they'll actually have to compete in two weeks. The show is off next Wednesday, but there’s a lot to look forward to when it returns. CT and Tina are back. If I were Brad, Tyler and the rest of the guys left I’d just grab my shit and go home because the Indians had a better chance against the settlers than they do in beating CT.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.   

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