Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Czech Mate: The Cutthroat Final

After 9 episodes of grueling challenges, combative gulags, petty fights, secret votes, and overall chaos, MTV's Cutthroat finally reached its last episode. Last week's episode ended with the final Gulag set to begin which would determine who was left to vie for the grand prize of hundreds of thousands of dollars, an outstanding reward for having the sole good fortune of MTV casting at your college.

For the final Gulag, Emily faced Paula and Derrick went against Tyler. After the troops gathered TJ told them they'd be playing a repeat game called “Pole Me Over”.

Tyler, who decided to make a name for himself other than the guy who goes home early, beat Derrick to make it to the finals. Derrick’s loss left the Blue Team with only Jenn and Emily remaining. Will the Blue Team be the Billie Jean King of The Challenge?

In the girl’s final, Paula showed why her best move is to avoid all competitive action by disqualifying herself. You have to give Paula credit - by skating through and avoiding The Gulags, Paula played to her strength, which is knowing her overall weakness. In her closing confession, she said she refuses to rest until she gets a win. I’m looking forward to Paula in the 2035 Challenge against Brad and Tori’s kids.

Brad said this final will be his last rodeo. I’ll bet Brett Favre’s retirement speeches had more sincerity.

The night before the final the gang decided to give out fake awards that meant nothing other than ego-stroking. It’s like Cutthroat’s version of The ESPYs.

Sarah said we can mark her words that she will never quit. I’m going to guess those words will come back to bite her. She might as well have said “Read my lips” beforehand.

TJ explained the final to the remaining contestants. The Blue and Red teams had $40,000 in their team accounts while Gray stocked $100,000 in theirs. $120,000 got added to the winner’s tally. The final challenge was more than 10 miles long. As soon as Sarah saw it was a lot of running she cried. I smell a quitter coming. That and dog treats and bbq.

The race started off with a distance run which led to a William Tell-type challenge where one teammate stood against a wall and the other had to hit targets around them with a paintball gun.

Up next was a good old fashioned tire roll that led the teams a warped water slide where the slider ended up covered in oil and sand.

The next challenge entailed the team carrying someone on a stretcher a set amount of distance. During this challenge the final caught up to Abe and his legs gave out. Then his stomach decided it was time to empty the pool all over Prague. Sarah shortly followed suit by showing her lunch on the side of the road. Lardass Hogan threw up less than the Gray Team.

Abram and Sarah were forced to leave the competition to go to the hospital. Apparently if there’s one thing that will get you off the final challenge it’s turning pale white, rolling your eyes in the back of your head and violently vomiting. Or as Andy Dick calls it, Saturday night.

When the Gray teammates weren’t throwing up they were crying. Well Laurel was anyway. For a team full of big egos and tough talk, they come up pretty small when it counts. The Gray Team seems to have met their Appomattox.

The next obstacle was moving a large stack of chopped wood from one pile to another.

Following that was a crawl through mud under a barbed wire path that ended in a lake. Before going under the wire, the team had to memorize a street pole and recreate it once emerged from the lake. I joke at the players’ expense here but I will give them credit for memorizing the signs. This weekend I put Windex in the fridge instead of the cabinet.

The final leg of the race was another run up a mountain. Four weeks ago if someone said the Red Team would win the whole thing I’d have told them there’s a better chance that a 33 year-old married man would watch a show about people he doesn’t know, compete for money he’ll probably never have, in a country he’ll never go to, and then write about it. Wait a minute.

All told, the Red Team members won $40,000 each and both Gray and Blue took home $20,000 each. Not bad for a month’s “work”.

After the finale aired, MTV followed up with The Reunion episode where the cast gets together and yells at each other for an hour.

I skipped this show because if I wanted to see a bunch of immature people point fingers at each other and take no responsibility for their own actions I’d just watch cable news.

I hope you enjoyed my reviews of Cutthroat. As much as I make fun of the cast, I thoroughly enjoy this show and can’t wait for the next one. I’ll be writing a similar weekly review of Jersey Shore once it starts up again on Jan. 6, but check back in from time to time because there’s always the chance I’ll see something on TV and feel the need to make a cynical comment about it.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for the great updates...looking forward to your January reviews of more MTV shows.


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