Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Marriage Therapy: Cutthroat Episode 8

An old saying goes “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. This motto does not apply to everything. For example, I could never see an Ashton Kutcher movie, listen to one more Eagles song, or witness another Red Sox World Series title and be very content. However, all it takes is one week off and two weeks between viewings and my appreciation of MTV’s Cutthroat  only grows stronger.

When we left our heroes two weeks ago Dan and Camilla were sent packing, the Red Team showed as much team unity as the Miami Heat, and Laurel got to keep her “Horrible Person of the Month” parking spot.

This week’s episode started off with Sarah and Laurel sunbathing and discussing the Gray Team’s future. When thinking of the world’s best places to catch some rays, Prague probably comes in right between Oslo and Detroit.

The girls’ point of contention rested on Cara Maria and their belief of Abram keeping her around because he’s sleeping with her. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, a girl that lets you play a little game called Just the Tip or Ouch, Ouch You’re on My Hair is much more fun to have around than someone who could stand in for Cruella Deville and 101 spotted dogs wouldn’t know the difference.

Sarah said the easiest way to make money is to share the pot with the smallest amount of people and they needed to get rid of some people.  Someone passed algebra.

The TJ text brought to us by T Mobile came in and said things were looking up for the teams. Is there going to be group counseling on how to get an honest job?

Brad said he wanted to throw himself into the earlier Gulags but his wife prevented it. It didn’t take Brad long to start using his wife as an excuse.

Paula said her calm, cool and collected team is losing their serenity. What team has she been on all season? The same team who gets rid of its best player and never wins a challenge? That one? There are people who live in a dream world, and then there’s Paula.

The challenge was called High Ball. The teams had to get as many balls as possible into a tall basket. The catch was they had to use a martini glass-shaped apparatus to balance the ball while walking it towards the hoop. Only one ball could be carried at a time. 

Tori said she was playing a different game than Brad was. I wonder if their honeymoon had the same problem.

All the teams went simultaneously. 60 minutes into the challenge none of the teams had scored. Instead of High Ball, TJ could have just called this soccer.

Laurel and Abram put a few in the hoop for Gray before anyone else got close to scoring. It got to the point where TJ openly laughed at the Red Team. Blue Team saved a little face by getting one ball in. The Red got none. According to Brad there are two in his wife’s purse.

The Gray Team won immunity, leaving the Red and Blue Teams to decide on who went in to The Gulag.  

On the Blue Team, Johnny actually showed some stones and volunteered himself for The Gulag. Theresa did the same.

Tori volunteered herself for Red and so did Tyler. After Tyler nominated himself Brad said he would have gone in anyway. So much for Brad considering to throw himself in.  All Brad needs is to have half his face melted off and start fighting Batman to become a modern-day Harvey Dent. That is if Tori would let him.

Brad and Tori discussed whether or not Tori really wanted to be there. Interesting she did everything she could to avoid The Gulag, then the day she volunteered herself in she wanted to quit. She’d make a great governor of Alaska.

Tyler said he feels for the first time in his challenge experience he thinks there’s a lot of bullshit on his team. I guess since he didn’t stick around long enough in the previous ones he didn’t get to see there’s more bullshit on these shows than at the cleanup in Pamplona.

Laurel spoke about her hatred of Cara Maria. She is just flat out mean. Alexandra Forrest wasn’t this psychotic. And she boiled a little girl’s pet rabbit.

Johnny prepared for The Gulag by sunbathing with a ski hat on. That’s like running hurdles with skis, except much, much dumber.

Gulag time. The entrants played “Back Up Off Me”. The contestants were harnessed to each other back-to-back, had to drag their opponent to the other side of the ring, and flip a barrel.

TJ shook things up by introducing a twist. He brought out a “few heavy hitters from back home”.  The hitters part was dead on, since CT and Tina walked into the ring. When we last saw CT he was very close to ending Adam. I don’t know this for sure, but I think Tyler just shit his pants. I know I did and I wasn’t even there.

TJ said whoever does the best against the heavy hitters will stay on the show.

Theresa went first for the girls. She actually won. If Tina is a heavy hitter I’d hate to see who hits leadoff.

Johnny went first for the guys. Before they showed the match, CT had a little time in front of the confessional. He said Johnny has a big mouth for a little guy and he was looking forward to putting him in the dirt. I don’t think Booth was as serious about killing Lincoln.

At this point I looked at my watch and it read 10:59, which could only mean one thing.

To Be Continued…

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