Thursday, January 27, 2011

The Treaty of Jers-aille - Jersey Shore Season Three Episode 5 Recap

There was big news this week in the world of Jersey Shore, and really what other worlds are there these days? It was revealed that season four of the ratings juggernaut will be filmed in Italy, where all of the cast leads us to believe they are from, but in actuality a few are not. As a fan of the show I find this development fascinating. As an Italian I find it frustrating. I always thought I’d get to Italy before The Situation, because as everyone knows, you never want to be somewhere The Situation has been. After he’s been there, Italy might as well be Nikki Benz…a beautiful place that’s had one too many dicks in it.

Last week we found out that JWoww’s ex-boyfriend Tom might be the worst person to date this side of Charlie Sheen. What about this week? Will Snooki continue to deal with her drinking issues? Will Pauly and Vinny continue their plight to be the modern day Abbott and Costello? Will the editors continue their fine work of last week and keep The Situation’s appearances to a minimum? We can only hope.

The episode began not in Jersey, but in Long Island at JWoww’s apartment where she and Snooki were going over the scorched Earth break-up that Tom carried out.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do - Jersey Shore Season Three Episode 4 Recap

When the last episode of Jersey Shore went to black, we were left wondering what would become of the most famous Jersey jailbird since Plaxico Burress. There are certain images of people in police custody that never erase from the public’s memory. Lee Harvey Oswald getting shot by Jack Ruby, Mike Tyson showing off his ‘cuffs under a trench coat, and a drunken Guidette wearing giant sunglasses yelling she’s a good person are all examples of these events etched in our minds.

This week’s episode began with Snooki being lowered into a squad car. JWoww decided to call Snooki’s dad to let him know of his daughter’s arrest. He wasn’t happy but didn’t fly off the handle.

The guys came home and were told of Snooki’s arrest. This led them to realize she has a drinking problem. In other news, they also figured out Brett Favre’s constant need for attention means he’s insecure and Ashton Kutcher’s continual making of shitty movies means he’s not a good actor.

Monday, January 17, 2011

America's Snookheart - Jersey Shore Season Three Episode 3 Recap

When we left our heroes last week, Sunday Dinner’s importance was confirmed and Ronnie and Sammi were fighting to the point of a near break-up. This week, MTV decided to use a bonus episode of their ratings superstar as a lead-in for a program that will most likely not see a second season, their new show Skins. What was the last MTV non-reality show MTV had that succeeded? Beavis and Butthead? I’m not kidding, it might be that long. Then again it’s been even longer since they aired music. Hiyo!

The special bonus episode kicked off with a continuation of Sammi and Ronnie fighting. According to some crack reporting by my wife, it seems that around this time the crew watched footage from Miami and Sammi saw all Ronnie did with other girls. She realized he was lying to her and still stuck by him. She must really think nothing of herself.

JWoww expressed slight concern that Snooki hasn’t been sober since they got to the beach. Snooki, maybe drunk or maybe not, said she wanted to touch Vinny’s ‘Seabiscuit’. Outside of the Jersey Shore Vinny will never sleep alone again. Some reputations are good for business.

Snooki said Deena wants to hook up with Mike but hasn’t been forward enough. Really? She’s dropped her bikini bottom in front of him and flat out told him he could have her. That’s not being forward?  Dracula wasn’t as blatant.

Snooki tricked The Situation into having a threesome with her and Deena only to slip out the room to go find Vinny and hope he’d slip something into her.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Don't Miss Dinner - Jersey Shore Season Three Episode 2 Recap

In the first episode of Jersey Shore Season Three we met new roommate Deena and were left on the cusp of Sammi-JWoww II. 

If Ali-Frazier had The Thrilla in Manilla, then these two ladies going tit for umm, well, tit one more time has to be called The Catfight After Midnight or The Let’s Get Scurvy in New Jersey. (You try to find something that rhymes with NJ and is relevant to a fight)

If there is one thing that is clear so far this season it is that Snooki, JWoww and now Deena do not like Sammi. For someone who goes by the nickname ‘Sweetheart’ and says she’s “sweetest bitch you’ll ever meet” she’s not exactly a sweetheart or sweet in any way. Old cigarette ads were less deceptive.  

This week’s episode began with fists flying and hair pulling. It wasn’t interesting to see that some of the people tried to break it up, but it was telling that Ronnie wasn’t one of them. It’s like he takes his cues on dealing with girls getting hit from The Situation. 

Friday, January 7, 2011

You Gotta Fight For Your Right, To Fist Pump - Jersey Shore Season 3 Episode One Recap

For those of you who enjoyed my reviews of MTV's Cutthroat, get ready for Jersey Shore to receive the same treatment. If you want to read cynical commentary, dated references, personal anecdotes and general Jersey Shore information you can find almost anywhere on the interwebs, then stick around. You won't be disappointed.

We begin Season Three of MTV's Jersey Shore with the gang re-uniting in Seaside Heights after a brief trek to the Jersey of the South, aka Florida. By moving South the cast gained addition by subtraction in the good-riddance-ing of Angelina. What is the length of time before we see her in an issue of Hustler or starring in a "private" sex tape with 2011s version of Joey Buttafuoco? I say less than six months.

MTV has been around long enough to know you can't simply discard a cast member and not replace her. Becky on Roseanne and Laurie on That 70s Show proved that. However MTV didn't find a new girl who looked like Angelina and pretend she was the same person because that would be ridiculous. Plus Furio from The Sopranos was unavailable. But they did go to the best judge of character this side of the Cincinnati Bengals and asked Snooki to bring her friend Deena along to the shore.

Some thoughts before we get to the start of Season 3.

Jersey Shore Season 3

Stay tuned for my review of Jersey Shore Season 3; Episode 1...
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