Monday, January 17, 2011

America's Snookheart - Jersey Shore Season Three Episode 3 Recap

When we left our heroes last week, Sunday Dinner’s importance was confirmed and Ronnie and Sammi were fighting to the point of a near break-up. This week, MTV decided to use a bonus episode of their ratings superstar as a lead-in for a program that will most likely not see a second season, their new show Skins. What was the last MTV non-reality show MTV had that succeeded? Beavis and Butthead? I’m not kidding, it might be that long. Then again it’s been even longer since they aired music. Hiyo!

The special bonus episode kicked off with a continuation of Sammi and Ronnie fighting. According to some crack reporting by my wife, it seems that around this time the crew watched footage from Miami and Sammi saw all Ronnie did with other girls. She realized he was lying to her and still stuck by him. She must really think nothing of herself.

JWoww expressed slight concern that Snooki hasn’t been sober since they got to the beach. Snooki, maybe drunk or maybe not, said she wanted to touch Vinny’s ‘Seabiscuit’. Outside of the Jersey Shore Vinny will never sleep alone again. Some reputations are good for business.

Snooki said Deena wants to hook up with Mike but hasn’t been forward enough. Really? She’s dropped her bikini bottom in front of him and flat out told him he could have her. That’s not being forward?  Dracula wasn’t as blatant.

Snooki tricked The Situation into having a threesome with her and Deena only to slip out the room to go find Vinny and hope he’d slip something into her.

Back in the two-some room, Deena and Mike laid there and didn’t do a whole lot. This led to Mike rejecting Deena for a third time, only this time he took pride in averting her affection. How this guy continues to get women to line up for him is right up there with The Hanging Gardens of Babylon and The Great Pyramid of Giza as a wonder of the world.

Snooki went GTL’ing with Pauly D and in the process burnt her ass. She went home and stuck her burnt butt in the mini-fridge. Keep on trying to make me like you less, Snooki because it’s still not working. There's really nothing she can do to make her less endearing.

Sammi and Ronnie talked about their issues. Their argument began in the bedroom and moved to the porch. Hopefully it moves to the cutting room floor in future episodes. Or not, because it seems like Ronnie just broke up with Sammi. It’s amazing that he is the one completely in the wrong and yet has swung the popular support behind him due to Sammi’s void of a personality and 100% suckitude. At this point he could bring another girl home with him, crawl into bed next to Sammi, hook up with said girl, and the viewers would back him. No one likes her. She is to the Jersey Shore what Bret Favre is to the NFL.

Sammi, Snooki and Pauly head to the t-shirt store for work. Snooki said she didn’t want to work with Sammi because she’s not a fun time. My guess is Ronnie would say “try dating her.”

Sammi apologized to Snooki for the way she behaved towards her. I think Pauly D was wearing an Elmo shirt with his hair style.

Sammi kept the apologizing-train going by coming clean to Deena about why she was less than cordial when they met. Apparently there will be no apology between Sammi and JWoww. I don’t think Eisenhower ever said “I’m sorry” to the Germans either.

The roommates got ready to go to Karma. Pauly predicted someone will have to carry Deena out of the club. Much to his prognostication, Deena was escorted from the club for being too drunk. Whoever Pauly D likes in the Super Bowl, put your money on them.

JWoww saw an ex at the club. I didn’t know Jesse James hung out at the Jersey Shore. After getting cozy with him, JWoww found out he has a girlfriend. To this she expressed disgust, even though she has a boyfriend. Love is a tricky thing.

Ronnie and Sammi had a few drinks and seemed to be back together. Homer Simpson said it best.

The girl who stalked Pauly last summer saw him and threw a drink in his face. Pauly said he couldn’t believe she did it, especially to him, and I agree. To The Situation sure, but Pauly?

Pauly recovered by teaming up with Vinny and bringing home a couple of girls from Karma.

The Situation brought a girl he met last summer back with him from Karma, too. He said she was giving off the DTF vibe. Instead of acting on that, Mike decided to wash his face, get changed, fire up the grill and so on. Let’s see here, there’s a really attractive girl DTF and you want turkey burgers? Translating Voltaire wasn't this confusing. And I don't speak French.

Vinny and Ronnie went to work with a still drunk or very hungover Snooki. Still drunk or hungover didn’t stop Snooki from trying to drink beer at work. What does she think her job is, being John Daly’s caddy?

Snooki’s boss sent her to get coffee and instead she went to take shots. I didn’t know she was in Australia.

After work, Snooki met up with JWoww and Deena at a bar. Snooki ended up doing body shots with guys older than Moses. After the shots, Snooki took off looking for the beach but couldn’t find it. She eventually  looked to her left and found the beach. She sat down while JWoww and Deena tried to get her home before any trouble happened. Too late girls, Snooki ran into the ocean.

The police tried to help JWoww get Snooki off the beach. Snooki didn’t like seeing the cops there and started cursing at them. Apparently cops don’t like being cursed at by drunken guidettes and charged her with public intoxication along with being a nuisance. I didn’t even know that was a crime.

I guess The Situation better start looking over his shoulder. 

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