Thursday, February 10, 2011

Girl Don't Go Away Mad to Your Home Sweet Home - Jersey Shore Season Three Episode 7 Recap

This past week was a big one for the cast of Jersey Shore. JWoww released a  book on dating, The Situation said he’s going to leave the Shore and head for Hollywood, Snooki was on Letterman, and Vinny agreed to start his acting career on another MTV show. With all this going on your humble blogger continued eating pasta for dinner while staring at his multiple degrees on the wall after a long day of the daily grind. 
One positive thing about the past week was we didn’t hear much about Sammi or Ronnie. I’m guessing that will change in the next hour. Jersey Shore should just change its name to Paisans because Sammi and Ronnie have done more to kill a show since Rachel and Ross or Monica and Chandler took down Friends. Come to think of it, Friends just kind of sucked after the first few seasons. 

This week’s episode started off with Ronnie and Sammi arguing. Their relationship makes Tony and Carmela Soprano look like The Cleavers. The Situation told Sammi that there was so much drama between her and Ronnie in Miami that there was no turning back. Ronnie didn’t take to that too kindly and finally called him out. To the camera and not personally, but it’s a start. Ronnie promised to confront Mike on this and his continual scheme of playing both sides.  There are kids who don’t look forward to Christmas like I’m looking forward to this. Don’t let me down Ronnie Claus.

Pauly said Ronnie seemed irrationally angry and he has a bit of a temper. The same guy who knocked someone out cold and was arrested for assault last year has a temper? Well, color me surprised.

Ronnie said Mike played him out. Mike denied it. Then Ronnie brought up that Mike basically told Sammi he was cheating on her in Miami. I will give The Situation a little credit in keeping his cool. If Ronnie was screaming at me like that my voice would be shaking like my dog in a thunderstorm. The Situation said he apologized to be the better man because he didn’t want a fight to break out. I’d apologize too if it helped my face keep its bones in place. What Mike Tyson did to a lot of his early opponents is nothing compared to what Ronnie would do to Mike.

After Ronnie and Mike cooled down, Roger showed up to take JWoww out. They went to a Mexican restaurant where apparently he is the Guido Norm and everyone knows him. I bet Vera didn’t look like JWoww.

Back at the house Sammi talked to Ronnie about Miami. She cried. Ronnie admitted he loved her enough to tell her he cheated on her. Interesting comment. I wonder if that’s how Brad Pitt broke the news to Jennifer Aniston. Then he said she should be woman enough to man up for her errors. Ronnie’s on a roll with sentences that don’t make sense. Then he broke up with her. At least that was comprehendible.

Sammi then went to Deena and Snooki and asked if they were going out to the bar. She also asked if they were breathing, lived in New Jersey and liked Bon Jovi. Ronnie decided to go out with the guys. Before they hit the town there was another fight. This time it took the rest of the cast to keep them from physically attacking each other.

Ronnie took the fight to another level when he took all her stuff and threw it out of the room. At what point would it take for MTV to call the police?

The guys finally got Ronnie out of the house.

The Situation said it was time for Ronnie to have a drink, because the one thing a rage-filled meathead needs is alcohol. I believe the Cincinnati Bengals live by the same philosophy.

Snooki and Deena decided to move Sammi’s bed into their room. In doing so Snooki said Deena liked it in the back. Then corrected herself and said that was her. She also said the bed was too big to fit through the narrow doorway. This she compared to Vinny trying to have sex with her. Snooki’s father must sit in the dark, stare at the wall and rock back and forth.

The girls eventually went out and surprise surprise ended up at the same club as the fellas. Sammi wasted no time in grinding up on a guy in front of Ronnie. Ronnie left the bar and said he couldn’t believe she disrespected him like that. Unbothered by the hypocrisy of that statement, Ronnie went home, put her bed outside and smashed some of her other stuff.

Sammi came home and saw what Hurricane Ron did to her stuff. She went up on the roofdeck and confronted him on the damage. Another fight broke out. Ronnie told Sammi again that at least he had the respect to cheat on her while she wasn’t in the room. This logic is somewhat flawed counselor Ronnie.

JWoww came home with Roger and decided to give him something before he left NJ. She walked into the room dressed in something that would make Katy Perry look like she lives in a convent. Roger immediately got up and took JWoww to bed, probably hoping he could get to the room before he finished.

Pauly said that if what happened the past few days continues with Ronnie and Sammi he would find them another place to live. Here’s hoping Pauly takes over production of Jersey Shore.

Sammi rounded up the girls to talk. She admitted her relationship with Ron was over and she needed to go home to get away from Ronnie for good.

In saying goodbyes, Pauly said he hated to see her throw it all away. Pauly’s right. Where else could she make $30,000 a week to live at the beach? She’s not getting cast on Two and a Half Men anytime soon. Ronnie told her he wanted to talk to her as her friend. Because as we all knows friends fight constantly, destroy each other’s stuff, and verbally abuse one another. Some of the things that come out of this guy’s mouth make Ralph Wiggum look academic.

Pauly yelled “Cabs are here”. Ronnie cried. Sammi headed out of town over the Tunney Bridge.

And I feel like I just gave birth… to an accountant!

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  1. That was one of the funniest recaps I have ever read...Thank you!!

  2. Thanks for the praise Kate. Make sure to come back next week and read about episode 8.


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