Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Time Has Come - Jersey Shore Season Three Episode 13 Recap

Lewis Carroll wrote “The time has come the walrus said to talk of many things.” He went on to say of “shoes and ships and sealing wax and of cabbages and kings”. But if Lewis Carroll were alive today and talking about Jersey Shore he might change that to gel and smush and t-shirt store and tanning beds and bling. Actually no he wouldn’t. Lewis Carroll wouldn’t be caught dead talking about Jersey Shore. However, the poem’s first line is apropos in that the time has come for Season Three to end.

I wrote in the past that Sammi and Ronnie were like Ross and Rachel from Friends if only Ross took steroids and Rachel had no personality. Well they are also like those two in that their on-again/off-again relaitonship killed a perfectly good show. Granted Ross never made you think Ike Turner was reincarnated and given a TV show. And yes I know Ike Turner was alive when Friends was on. What do you think killed him? Those re-runs are ALWAYS ON.

Last week’s episode ended with Ronnie making a beeline for Sammi after her friend Arvin told him they fooled around. This show is a great audition tape for Ronnie’s Match.com profile. “Do you like sitting around eating mustard sandwiches? Is being afraid for your life a turn-on? Then I’m the guy for you.”

The week’s episode, the last of the season, began with Ronnie asking Sammi how many times she hooked up with Arvin. Of course The Situation was on the phone taking pride in the chaos he’s created. Sammi took the phone and spoke to Arvin about how he could tell Ronnie they fooled around. She said they didn’t, Arvin said they did. Ronnie sided with Arvin.

Sammi came clean and said she did in fact hook up with Arvin but it was before she met Ronnie. Ronnie said she could either right her wrong or just walk away. Then Ronnie got up and walked away. Either he thought he was talking to himself or Ronnie needs to work on how he enforces his edicts.

Ronnie, Snooki and Vinny went to work. Ronnie wore a competitor’s shirt. Too bad Ronnie was never on Crank Yankers. Ronnie then said since it was his last day he wouldn’t work too hard. Guessing it could have been his first day and the same rule applied.

The house went to a bbq where DJ Pauly D was spinning. Each person was allowed to invite two to three friends to help fill the space. JWoww invited her dad. Who knew Tom Petty sired JWoww.

Vinny took a shining to Deena’s friend and vice versa. Deena told her friend Vinny was off limits. Here’s a little advice for the ladies out there, if you don’t want your friend to hook up with a guy don’t say he’s trouble or off-limits. You might as well put a bed down right on front of them. In case Deena’s friend didn’t get the message she said Vinny has sex with all of Seaside. Vinny got up and walked away. Instead he should have embraced Deena's slight and coyly said, “Well not ALL of Seaside since you’re here tonight,  but maybe tomorrow morning Deena will be right.” Then winked. Because winking doesn't creep girls out at all.

Sammi asked Ronnie if Mike was his buddy or not since she hated him. Ronnie seemed to side with Mike. This is almost like Jane Fonda going to Hanoi during the Vietnam War. Siding with The Situation on anything is just above choosing the Viet Cong. He’s that bad. Even Pauly D thinks so.

Back at the house Vinny called Deena “Angelina”. If he said she wasn’t tan it wouldn’t have hurt as much.

Sammi asked Mike what she did to him to make him create problems for her. Besides choosing Ronnie over him in the first episode of Season One, she’s done nothing. Mike holds grudges like Sarah Palin does. Just one more similarity between the two to go along with author, reality TV star, and being people who will never be President.

The next night the house went to eat at a restaurant. There is more noise in detention halls  than at that dinner before Deena thanked everyone for welcoming her to the house. Given Angelina was who she replaced, Hedy Carlson would have been an upgrade.

The gang rallied for one last night out before they had to head home. Snooki said it was the time to have sex with an old man, steal a plant and get arrested. My guess is she’s done 2/3 of those, but I’m not sure which one is left out.

At the bar Roger asked JWoww if she liked him, or if she liked liked him. She said she liked liked him. Then they went and chased the ice cream man.

Snooki saw a guy she slept with earlier in the season. She said she was DTF and wanted to end the summer with a bang. Isn’t that also how she wanted to spend the beginning, middle and end of the summer?

Sammi saw some guy friends of hers at the bar and Ronnie got pissed at her. On their walk home Sammi started whining that Ronnie didn’t like her anymore. We’ve felt this way all season about them. When they got home Ronnie went to bed without Sammi. She followed him up and Round 14 of this fight got underway. Ronnie said Sammi could cry all she wanted because he was real. Looks like someone listens to his own commercials too much.

Ronnie started crying again. Which tanned well-known guy has cried more since January, Ronnie or John Boehner?

The next morning Ronnie and Sammi sat and had a sober discussion about where they stand. Sammi said Ronnie is her best friend since he makes her laugh, cry, happy, and miserable. Who keeps friends who make them miserable and cry? Aside from a sorority that is.

Ronnie said his heart is broken. Sammi asked him if they were together or single. Ronnie said he needed his space, that they were done and walked away. Am I the only one who sees similarities between what Ronnie just said and this? Yes, I probably am.

The time came for everyone to leave. They all said they were sad to have to leave. I’d be sad too if I had to leave a house to go make a ton of money to write books, make club appearances and appear in pistachio commercials.

Before they left, JWoww’s dog took a dump on the floor. Can someone get these dogs some decent food?

Sammi said there is no Sam and Ron anymore, that she’s alone and it’s not a good feeling.

Surprisingly, the entire viewing audience feels great.

See you in Italy.

Let me know your take on my Season 3 reviews (t.v.steve(at)hotmail.com)

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